Celebrate Your Mate! (Part I)

The word celebrate brings about feelings of excitement and anticipation. The definition of celebrate according to Webster's dictionary is:

1. to honor (as a holiday) especially by solemn ceremonies or by refraining from ordinary business
2. to mark (as an anniversary) by festivities or other deviation from routine
3. to hold up or play up for public notice

Now many of us when we think of celebrating we think of birthdays, anniversaries, or weddings. But, we are going to focus on celebrating a person, the person you have vowed before God and people to love until you leave this Earth.

That IS something to celebrate!

Since we have already defined the word celebrate let us look at a few words that are closely related, synonyms, to celebrate:

Bless, praise and magnify. These are words we are familiar with, especially as Christians. We know what it is to bless the Lord, praise His holy name and to "magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together" (Psalm 34:3).

God has designed it that we put Him first and so by no means should we celebrate our mate over God, but I am saying that celebrating your mate is important to your marriage.

BLESS

So, let's look at how we can bless our spouse, meaning how we can contribute to their happiness. How we can put a smile on their face and in their heart.

• With your words. Words are incredibly powerful. The bible says, "death and life are in the power of the tongue" (Prov. 18:21). Use your words to bless your mate and bring life to your relationship. 

Remember to speak lovingly to one another and use manners. I know this sounds simple, but "please" and "thank you" goes such a long way. We speak so nicely to those we work with, waiters and strangers we come in contact with and our mates deserve the same if not better treatment. Add some sweetness to the way you talk to your spouse. This is a way to bless your spouse daily.

When my husband and I were dating we were out having dinner and he said "pass the me the salt". I passed the salt, but inside I was fuming. Where was the "could you please"? You see for me I liked to be asked to do things, not told. Of course my husband did not see it that way and was not trying to be rude, but that’s how I received it. Once I lovingly told him how I needed him to speak to me he worked very hard to remember to ask me rather than tell me. He even adds a Babe or Honey in there to make it even sweeter.

• With your actions. Love is an action word. When you love someone you “DO” some things. The bible says, “Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.” (1 John 3:18 NLT). This is where knowing your mate’s love language is so very helpful. The 5 Love Languages is a must have resource for every married or engaged couple written by Dr. Gary Chapman. By learning your mate’s love language and speaking it regularly you can be assured you are blessing them by loving them the way they need to be loved.

Rick Warren, the author of a Purpose Driven Life, says it like this, “If love were just an emotion, then God couldn’t command it. But love is something you do. It can produce emotion, but love is an action. We can talk a good act: “I love people.” But do we really love them? Our love is revealed in how we act toward them. 

Very wise words from this dynamic pastor…

If your spouse has expressed to you something you do makes them feel loved. KEEP DOING IT. On the other hand if something you are doing is driving them insane and he or she has asked you to stop. STOP DOING IT. So easy, right? But yet you have many couples who won’t follow these simple instructions.

Being newlyweds my husband and I went through the adjustments that occur when you move in together. There have been several things he has asked me to do or not do. Some are minor some are major, but they all involve making his home, his castle and every one of his requests I have complied with. I’m blessing him with my actions and celebrating him as an individual who has his own way of doing things. He has done the same for me.

• With your spirit. My spirit you may be asking yourself? Yes, your spirit that is connected to God. Your spirit in which the Holy Spirit speaks to you. Even before we can bless our spouse with words or actions we must bless them with our personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It is through Jesus Christ that we can offer blessings and not cursings, to be angry and not sin, and to forgive when we want revenge. Stay connected with prayer, bible study and attending church on a regular basis.

I asked my husband what makes him feel blessed as a husband. His answer was having a God-fearing wife. He knows I will honor my vows because I honor God first. He can trust me because of my relationship with Jesus. He knows God will get me! 

Also, when you allow the Holy Spirit to work in you it shows. “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23). If we are going to celebrate our mate we are going to have to walk in the Spirit.

It is my sincere prayer that you will take something from this blog post and celebrate your mate by blessing them in some way every day!

Please feel free to comment on how you are currently blessing your spouse or how you plan to.

Stayed tuned for Part II coming next week! Thanks!

Accountability - Just Do You!

Accountability. What is that exactly? You may have heard of having accountability partners, being accountable for your actions and someone being held accountable. Well this post is going to focus on being accountable to God and God alone for your behavior as a wife.

Before I ever met my husband, God started instructing me on the role of a wife. You see, He knew I came from a divorced home and had never seen a Godly example of a relationship or a successful marriage. I had expressed my desire to Him to learn His ways, so that I can break the cycle of dysfunctional relationships in my family. The more I started to learn about submission, respect and unconditional love the more I knew I needed the Holy Spirit in order to fulfill my role. Getting married sounded great, but being a wife didn't sound all the great!

Then, I came across Ephesians 5:22, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord". WOW! That scripture jumped out at me and I received the revelation that everything I do for my husband I do it as unto the Lord. So, that means it can't be because he has earned it, it can't be because I feel like it, and it can't be so that I can get something in return. NO. I will submit to my husband because God says so.

My perspective changed that day. I made up my mind that I would be the wife that despite her husband's actions or non-action I would embrace my role and do what pleases God!

We are all not going to be blessed with husbands that are submitted to the Lord and make it easier for us to be respectful, loving and respectful. Some wives have unbelieving husbands or husbands who go to church, but aren't living for the Lord. In these cases it can be tempting to say, "Well, when he starts doing right, I'll start doing right". Sorry dear sister, that is not going to cut it! We are accountable to God for our actions and we can't wait on hubby to get on board.

Ultimately, you have to know that what you are doing as a wife is pleasing to the Lord. No one, not even your husband can come between your relationship with God. Did he stop going to church? Are you going to stay home, too? Is he not providing for the family as he should? Are you going to talk bad about him and disrespect him because of it? The flesh answers both of those questions with a "yes", but the Spirit says "no".

Occasionally, on the Wisdom 4 Wives facebook page, I get comments that go something like this, "Wives sure have a lot to do", "what about the men?" or "when he does ___, I'll do _____." Ladies, this is not the thinking of a mind that is renewed to Christ. Everything that God requires of us is not going to be on our husband's list. Are you going to get stuck on his list or are you going to get busy making sure your list is covered?

Knowing my role and fulfilling it daily is what gives me joy and peace. I can be sure I am not giving the devil a foothold in my marriage if I am doing things God's way. Plus, I am inviting blessing into my marriage and not a curse. When I stand before God He is not going to ask what I did in result of my husband doing what he's supposed to do. I will have to answer for myself. I have the knowledge, so I will be held accountable for it.

When my husband and I were dating we pulled out our bible's and read Ephesians 5:21-33 together and he asked me do I agree with what the Word says and will I do what it says. I said yes. He said yes as well. Praise God that we were in agreement with Him! Now if for some reason he decides to start being selfish and doing his own thing, nowhere in the bible does it say I can too. No, I must continue to submit as unto the Lord. God is my accountability Partner. There is a blessing in obedience! Don't miss out on what God wants to do for you and through you because of feelings or your husband's behavior.

Ephesians 5:23-11 (NLT)

²¹ And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

²² For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. ²³ For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.²⁴ As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

²⁵ For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her ²⁶ to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.^[b] 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. ²⁸ In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. ²⁹ No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. ³⁰ And we are members of his body.

³¹ As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”^[c]32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. ³³ So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

The Sermon on the Mount and Your Marriage

I recently read an article found in the July issue of In Touch Magazine titled, "Who is Your Neighbor?". It inspired me to write this post and got me thinking of how I could apply Jesus' teachings to marriage. The complete Sermon on the Mount can be found in Matthew 5-7, but I will focus on the version found in Luke 6:27-38.

1. Love your enemies  (v. 27).  Well, hopefully your first thought was not that your husband is the enemy. If it was, I will have to address that in another post (smile). Enemies of marriage come in all forms. I know for some it may be in-laws, the ex-wife, your husband's single friends or his boss that mistreats him at work. As Christians, we are called to love some of the most difficult people and in spite of how he or she may treat us. How can you love someone who causes tension in your marriage, disrespects you or contributes to an unhappy husband? Pray for them. It is hard to dislike someone you pray for. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. Don't respond in a tit-for-tat way. God will deal with them in His time. Just make sure you are doing what He requires of you.

2. Bless those who mistreat you (v. 28). Does your husband ever snap at you after having a stressful day at work? Maybe he responded sarcastically to something you've said? Either of these can be hurtful and our first reaction might be to give him a piece of our mind in a not so nice Christian wife way. But Jesus said we are to do the exact opposite. Next time this occurs do your best to reply back with kindness. You may have to say a silent prayer and just say nothing. Trust that God sees all and will deal with your husband in His time. Remember "a gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare" (Proverbs 15:1).

3. Don't demand your rights (v. 29). The New Living Translation states, “If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also”. Now of course, Luke is not suggesting you let your husband slap you. What he is saying is keep giving, doing for, loving, and respecting your husband even if he does not respond in kind. Now this has to be done in the Lord’s power, so pray over this if you are facing this situation in your marriage.

4. Give to everyone who asks of you (v. 30). You may have heard that marriage is 50/50. Let me tell you that is not true. Marriage should be 100/100. Each partner giving ALL of him/herself. There will be times though, that your husband may not be in the position to give his all. Maybe he is ill, lost his job, or in a depression. Don’t let that stop you from giving your 100%. God sees all and knows all and He will not let any good deed done for Him go unrewarded. And one more thing, please don’t throw it in hubby’s face that you are doing more than you feel he is. The tables can turn at anytime.

5. Treat everyone the same way you’d want them to treat you (v. 31). This is a fairly easy one. Do you like when people are rude, cut you off when you are talking, roll their eyes or disregard your feelings in any way? No, of course not. So remember, anything you don’t want your husband to do to you or say to you; don’t do or say it to him. Period.

6. Do good to those who’ve done nothing for you and won’t repay you (v. 33). The Bible tells us that if we are kind and good to those that are kind and good to us we have not done anything special. The real test comes if we can respond to our husband with love and respect when he has raised his voice, been sarcastic or hurt our feelings in some way. Let me present this another way. Do you show your husband love and affection only when he is acting the way you want him to? Do you say “yes” to making love only when you think he deserves it? Sorry, but that behavior has selfish written all over it.

7. Freely share what you have without expecting anything in return (v. 34-35). Give to your husband and marriage with no ulterior motive. Don’t play the game of-- well I will let him go play golf this weekend, so that when I want to do something for me he’ll have to say yes. Or maybe perhaps, you make more money than he does? Do your marriage a big favor and don’t think that means you are now head of the household. Don’t tell your friends and family how you pay the mortgage and all the bills and blah blah blah. If you look for your reward from men, you will not receive the one from the Lord.

                “…expecting and hoping for nothing in return but considering nothing as lost and despairing of no one; and then your recompense (your reward) will be great (rich, strong, intense, and abundant), and you will be sons of the Most High, for He is kind and charitable and good to the ungrateful and the selfish and wicked.” (Luke 6:34-24 AMP)

8. Be merciful to people who are ungrateful---even those who are evil (v. 36). I know there are some ungrateful husbands out there. You take care of the house, the kids, your husband and never get a thank you. That can be very hurtful and discouraging. And yet, God has called us to be sympathetic, tender, responsive and compassionate towards the ungrateful, even to the evil. Why? Because He is all of these to us. Ask the Father to touch your husband’s heart in this area of ungratefulness.

9. Don’t judge or condemn anyone, even if he deserves it (v. 37).  “I told you so”. Those four words are gasoline to the fire already raging in your husband when he has made a mistake. Don’t point out his failures or criticize his faults. Instead, lovingly encourage him as he picks himself back up. Remember that none of us are perfect and how will you want him to treat you when you make a mistake?

10. Recognize the immeasurable blessing of giving without reservation (v. 38). I can’t give a better explanation of this than the one given in the Message Bible. Please read this and apply it to your role as a wife and your marriage.

                Give away your life; you'll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity." (Luke 6:38 MSG)

In closing, I know these may seem overwhelming and maybe impossible. However, God would not have asked them of us if He didn’t think we could achieve it. A lot of prayer and yielding to the Holy Spirit will be required. Marriage is hard work, but the reward of doing it God’s way is so much sweeter than doing it the easy way.

So, I would like to hear from you. Which of these can you start working on today? Which of these do you already see yourself doing?

Be blessed my sisters!