Celebrate Your Mate - Magnify (Part III)

Let’s discuss another way we can celebrate our mate and that is to magnify him or her. Isn’t magnify a big word? Not in the pronunciation sense, but in its meaning. When we magnify something we make it bigger. Let us resolve to make our spouse feel like the BIGGEST part of our life. After God. The formal definition of magnify is to cause to be held in greater esteem or respect and to increase in significance.

Scripture says:
Be devoted to each other like a loving family. Excel in showing respect for each other. (Romans 12:10 God’s Word Translation)
The bible gives us specific instructions on how we should treat our spouse. We can celebrate them by showing them the utmost respect. What does respect look like? Well listen up ladies because us wives are called to respect our husbands in Ephesians 5:33 which says “let the wife see that she respects her husband”.

Here are some examples:
1. Tell him you respect him. Be specific about what you respect. I tell my husband I respect the way he stands by his godly convictions and he doesn’t let anything or anyone sway him from his belief in God.
2. Apologize when you’re wrong.
3. Ask his opinion. Include him in your decisions and thoughts.
4. Be aware of the power of the tongue: ladies, we can be passive aggressive, snippy, sarcastic, and make snide remarks and criticize.
5. Speak kindly and lovingly of your husband in front of family, kids, and friends.
If we do these 5 things consistently, we are well on the way to exceling in respecting our husband.
In Ephesians 5:33 it also says, “each man must love his wife as he loves himself”. So, primarily God requires a husband to love his wife, but he is not off the hook for respecting her as well. A husband can respect his wife by:
1. Don't show her even the mildest forms of contempt. Contempt is poison in a relationship. You don't have to act like you like what she said or did, but do not take on an attitude of superiority, such as momentary smirking, sighs of disgust or eye-rolling. Such gestures, though seemingly insignificant, deeply show a lack of support, respect and trust, especially over a period of time.
2. Treat her as an equal. Even though you as the head of the household make the final decision, be sure to consult your wife and consider her feelings and insight.

The world often says you have to give respect in order to get respect. But in the Kingdom of God we are called to go higher, be better. We give respect, period. I’m not saying it will be easy sometimes, but I am saying it is possible with Jesus Christ.

Looking back at the definition of magnify it said to hold in greater esteem. Esteem means “high regard”. If we want our mate to feel celebrated we need to put him or her before ourselves. Being married successfully requires sacrifice. NEWS FLASH: IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!! Philippians 2:3 says, “Don't be selfish; don't try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.”
What a great verse for marriages. In a God-centered marriage you should feel secure enough to not worry about getting your needs met first. God’s got you! Spend your time meeting your mate’s needs! The return on doing that is huge! Imagine a marriage where the husband or wife is doing their best to meet the needs of their spouse. That’s celebrating your mate!

Let me talk to the wives again and I am going to read Ephesians 5:33 from the Amplified Bible:
“let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]."

Whew! What a high-calling! But again, it’s in the Bible and God didn’t put anything in there that we can’t do with His power living on the inside of us. Don’t hear that scripture with a heavy burden, NO hear it as a way to celebrate the man God gave you!

When we encourage, praise, and admire our husbands, when we value their opinions and trust their leadership, we esteem them.  Because God has created men with a great need to be respected and admired by their women, it is especially important that we as wives esteem our husbands.  If we don't, they will be vulnerable to other women who do show them esteem.

Many times women think, "My husband has such a huge ego now, why should I esteem him and admire him and build him up even more??"  However, the wise woman will realize that the male ego is a fragile thing, and men often act "big" to cover up how small and inadequate they really feel on the inside.  They are torn down every day when they go out into the dog-eat-dog world, and it is our job to build them up each evening when they come home.

When we treat our husbands with respect, letting them know how much we admire them and how we value their leadership and their wisdom, it boosts their confidence and helps them lead more wisely.  It also reassures them of our commitment to letting them be the head of the household.

Increase in significance. That’s the second part to the definition of magnify. When something is important to us it’s significant. So, now we are being asked to INCREASE in significance. Well I believe one way to illustrate this is to continue to show your spouse they are number one in your life. No earthly human being should come before your husband or wife. And yes, that includes your children. God, spouse, children. That is the divine order of the family. Over time and as the trials of life come and go our mate can feel their position in your life is becoming less and less important. But no, live in a way that demonstrates nothing and no one will come before him or her. How you might ask? Using the word no. You can’t work from sun up to sun down 7 days a week, you can’t hang out every weekend with the girls or the fellas. Telling people no and valuing your spouse over friends and family members shows your spouse they come first, celebrates who they are in your life by magnifying their position. God’s Word says it best, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Genesis 2:24.

Well we have come to the end of “Celebrate Your Mate” series and I want to leave you with one final thought. It is a wonderful blessing to be married. It’s not God’s plan for every person. So, if you have been blessed with a mate, take time daily to celebrate them. God loves your husband or wife dearly and has given them to you as a gift. Bless, praise and magnify them in private and in public. This is your partner for your life! Celebrate and let the world see that indeed marriage is something to celebrate beyond the wedding day!

Accountability - Just Do You!

Accountability. What is that exactly? You may have heard of having accountability partners, being accountable for your actions and someone being held accountable. Well this post is going to focus on being accountable to God and God alone for your behavior as a wife.

Before I ever met my husband, God started instructing me on the role of a wife. You see, He knew I came from a divorced home and had never seen a Godly example of a relationship or a successful marriage. I had expressed my desire to Him to learn His ways, so that I can break the cycle of dysfunctional relationships in my family. The more I started to learn about submission, respect and unconditional love the more I knew I needed the Holy Spirit in order to fulfill my role. Getting married sounded great, but being a wife didn't sound all the great!

Then, I came across Ephesians 5:22, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord". WOW! That scripture jumped out at me and I received the revelation that everything I do for my husband I do it as unto the Lord. So, that means it can't be because he has earned it, it can't be because I feel like it, and it can't be so that I can get something in return. NO. I will submit to my husband because God says so.

My perspective changed that day. I made up my mind that I would be the wife that despite her husband's actions or non-action I would embrace my role and do what pleases God!

We are all not going to be blessed with husbands that are submitted to the Lord and make it easier for us to be respectful, loving and respectful. Some wives have unbelieving husbands or husbands who go to church, but aren't living for the Lord. In these cases it can be tempting to say, "Well, when he starts doing right, I'll start doing right". Sorry dear sister, that is not going to cut it! We are accountable to God for our actions and we can't wait on hubby to get on board.

Ultimately, you have to know that what you are doing as a wife is pleasing to the Lord. No one, not even your husband can come between your relationship with God. Did he stop going to church? Are you going to stay home, too? Is he not providing for the family as he should? Are you going to talk bad about him and disrespect him because of it? The flesh answers both of those questions with a "yes", but the Spirit says "no".

Occasionally, on the Wisdom 4 Wives facebook page, I get comments that go something like this, "Wives sure have a lot to do", "what about the men?" or "when he does ___, I'll do _____." Ladies, this is not the thinking of a mind that is renewed to Christ. Everything that God requires of us is not going to be on our husband's list. Are you going to get stuck on his list or are you going to get busy making sure your list is covered?

Knowing my role and fulfilling it daily is what gives me joy and peace. I can be sure I am not giving the devil a foothold in my marriage if I am doing things God's way. Plus, I am inviting blessing into my marriage and not a curse. When I stand before God He is not going to ask what I did in result of my husband doing what he's supposed to do. I will have to answer for myself. I have the knowledge, so I will be held accountable for it.

When my husband and I were dating we pulled out our bible's and read Ephesians 5:21-33 together and he asked me do I agree with what the Word says and will I do what it says. I said yes. He said yes as well. Praise God that we were in agreement with Him! Now if for some reason he decides to start being selfish and doing his own thing, nowhere in the bible does it say I can too. No, I must continue to submit as unto the Lord. God is my accountability Partner. There is a blessing in obedience! Don't miss out on what God wants to do for you and through you because of feelings or your husband's behavior.

Ephesians 5:23-11 (NLT)

²¹ And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

²² For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. ²³ For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.²⁴ As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

²⁵ For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her ²⁶ to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.^[b] 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. ²⁸ In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. ²⁹ No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. ³⁰ And we are members of his body.

³¹ As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”^[c]32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. ³³ So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

The Sermon on the Mount and Your Marriage

I recently read an article found in the July issue of In Touch Magazine titled, "Who is Your Neighbor?". It inspired me to write this post and got me thinking of how I could apply Jesus' teachings to marriage. The complete Sermon on the Mount can be found in Matthew 5-7, but I will focus on the version found in Luke 6:27-38.

1. Love your enemies  (v. 27).  Well, hopefully your first thought was not that your husband is the enemy. If it was, I will have to address that in another post (smile). Enemies of marriage come in all forms. I know for some it may be in-laws, the ex-wife, your husband's single friends or his boss that mistreats him at work. As Christians, we are called to love some of the most difficult people and in spite of how he or she may treat us. How can you love someone who causes tension in your marriage, disrespects you or contributes to an unhappy husband? Pray for them. It is hard to dislike someone you pray for. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. Don't respond in a tit-for-tat way. God will deal with them in His time. Just make sure you are doing what He requires of you.

2. Bless those who mistreat you (v. 28). Does your husband ever snap at you after having a stressful day at work? Maybe he responded sarcastically to something you've said? Either of these can be hurtful and our first reaction might be to give him a piece of our mind in a not so nice Christian wife way. But Jesus said we are to do the exact opposite. Next time this occurs do your best to reply back with kindness. You may have to say a silent prayer and just say nothing. Trust that God sees all and will deal with your husband in His time. Remember "a gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare" (Proverbs 15:1).

3. Don't demand your rights (v. 29). The New Living Translation states, “If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also”. Now of course, Luke is not suggesting you let your husband slap you. What he is saying is keep giving, doing for, loving, and respecting your husband even if he does not respond in kind. Now this has to be done in the Lord’s power, so pray over this if you are facing this situation in your marriage.

4. Give to everyone who asks of you (v. 30). You may have heard that marriage is 50/50. Let me tell you that is not true. Marriage should be 100/100. Each partner giving ALL of him/herself. There will be times though, that your husband may not be in the position to give his all. Maybe he is ill, lost his job, or in a depression. Don’t let that stop you from giving your 100%. God sees all and knows all and He will not let any good deed done for Him go unrewarded. And one more thing, please don’t throw it in hubby’s face that you are doing more than you feel he is. The tables can turn at anytime.

5. Treat everyone the same way you’d want them to treat you (v. 31). This is a fairly easy one. Do you like when people are rude, cut you off when you are talking, roll their eyes or disregard your feelings in any way? No, of course not. So remember, anything you don’t want your husband to do to you or say to you; don’t do or say it to him. Period.

6. Do good to those who’ve done nothing for you and won’t repay you (v. 33). The Bible tells us that if we are kind and good to those that are kind and good to us we have not done anything special. The real test comes if we can respond to our husband with love and respect when he has raised his voice, been sarcastic or hurt our feelings in some way. Let me present this another way. Do you show your husband love and affection only when he is acting the way you want him to? Do you say “yes” to making love only when you think he deserves it? Sorry, but that behavior has selfish written all over it.

7. Freely share what you have without expecting anything in return (v. 34-35). Give to your husband and marriage with no ulterior motive. Don’t play the game of-- well I will let him go play golf this weekend, so that when I want to do something for me he’ll have to say yes. Or maybe perhaps, you make more money than he does? Do your marriage a big favor and don’t think that means you are now head of the household. Don’t tell your friends and family how you pay the mortgage and all the bills and blah blah blah. If you look for your reward from men, you will not receive the one from the Lord.

                “…expecting and hoping for nothing in return but considering nothing as lost and despairing of no one; and then your recompense (your reward) will be great (rich, strong, intense, and abundant), and you will be sons of the Most High, for He is kind and charitable and good to the ungrateful and the selfish and wicked.” (Luke 6:34-24 AMP)

8. Be merciful to people who are ungrateful---even those who are evil (v. 36). I know there are some ungrateful husbands out there. You take care of the house, the kids, your husband and never get a thank you. That can be very hurtful and discouraging. And yet, God has called us to be sympathetic, tender, responsive and compassionate towards the ungrateful, even to the evil. Why? Because He is all of these to us. Ask the Father to touch your husband’s heart in this area of ungratefulness.

9. Don’t judge or condemn anyone, even if he deserves it (v. 37).  “I told you so”. Those four words are gasoline to the fire already raging in your husband when he has made a mistake. Don’t point out his failures or criticize his faults. Instead, lovingly encourage him as he picks himself back up. Remember that none of us are perfect and how will you want him to treat you when you make a mistake?

10. Recognize the immeasurable blessing of giving without reservation (v. 38). I can’t give a better explanation of this than the one given in the Message Bible. Please read this and apply it to your role as a wife and your marriage.

                Give away your life; you'll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity." (Luke 6:38 MSG)

In closing, I know these may seem overwhelming and maybe impossible. However, God would not have asked them of us if He didn’t think we could achieve it. A lot of prayer and yielding to the Holy Spirit will be required. Marriage is hard work, but the reward of doing it God’s way is so much sweeter than doing it the easy way.

So, I would like to hear from you. Which of these can you start working on today? Which of these do you already see yourself doing?

Be blessed my sisters!