Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Accountability - Just Do You!

Accountability. What is that exactly? You may have heard of having accountability partners, being accountable for your actions and someone being held accountable. Well this post is going to focus on being accountable to God and God alone for your behavior as a wife.

Before I ever met my husband, God started instructing me on the role of a wife. You see, He knew I came from a divorced home and had never seen a Godly example of a relationship or a successful marriage. I had expressed my desire to Him to learn His ways, so that I can break the cycle of dysfunctional relationships in my family. The more I started to learn about submission, respect and unconditional love the more I knew I needed the Holy Spirit in order to fulfill my role. Getting married sounded great, but being a wife didn't sound all the great!

Then, I came across Ephesians 5:22, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord". WOW! That scripture jumped out at me and I received the revelation that everything I do for my husband I do it as unto the Lord. So, that means it can't be because he has earned it, it can't be because I feel like it, and it can't be so that I can get something in return. NO. I will submit to my husband because God says so.

My perspective changed that day. I made up my mind that I would be the wife that despite her husband's actions or non-action I would embrace my role and do what pleases God!

We are all not going to be blessed with husbands that are submitted to the Lord and make it easier for us to be respectful, loving and respectful. Some wives have unbelieving husbands or husbands who go to church, but aren't living for the Lord. In these cases it can be tempting to say, "Well, when he starts doing right, I'll start doing right". Sorry dear sister, that is not going to cut it! We are accountable to God for our actions and we can't wait on hubby to get on board.

Ultimately, you have to know that what you are doing as a wife is pleasing to the Lord. No one, not even your husband can come between your relationship with God. Did he stop going to church? Are you going to stay home, too? Is he not providing for the family as he should? Are you going to talk bad about him and disrespect him because of it? The flesh answers both of those questions with a "yes", but the Spirit says "no".

Occasionally, on the Wisdom 4 Wives facebook page, I get comments that go something like this, "Wives sure have a lot to do", "what about the men?" or "when he does ___, I'll do _____." Ladies, this is not the thinking of a mind that is renewed to Christ. Everything that God requires of us is not going to be on our husband's list. Are you going to get stuck on his list or are you going to get busy making sure your list is covered?

Knowing my role and fulfilling it daily is what gives me joy and peace. I can be sure I am not giving the devil a foothold in my marriage if I am doing things God's way. Plus, I am inviting blessing into my marriage and not a curse. When I stand before God He is not going to ask what I did in result of my husband doing what he's supposed to do. I will have to answer for myself. I have the knowledge, so I will be held accountable for it.

When my husband and I were dating we pulled out our bible's and read Ephesians 5:21-33 together and he asked me do I agree with what the Word says and will I do what it says. I said yes. He said yes as well. Praise God that we were in agreement with Him! Now if for some reason he decides to start being selfish and doing his own thing, nowhere in the bible does it say I can too. No, I must continue to submit as unto the Lord. God is my accountability Partner. There is a blessing in obedience! Don't miss out on what God wants to do for you and through you because of feelings or your husband's behavior.

Ephesians 5:23-11 (NLT)
21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.[b] 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body.
31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”[c]32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.


  1. I like to think of my husband and my built-in accountability partner. It's so convenient! We are each other's accountability partners and the best part is we don't let each other get away with anything :). It's a beautiful partnership.

    1. That's great Fawn! Often are partners know us best, so your husband makes a great accountability partner!

      Thanks for reading!

  2. Wow, thank you Sis Chrystal for this article. I have been struggling in my marriage seems like since it began, and while I know what to do, sometimes I get lost in the frustration and emotions of everything. It is refreshing and renewing to read your words of wisdom, I know that the Holy Spirit guided me to your page, and it has truly blessed me, and once again changed my perspective. I've known this, and even practiced it before, but I have never stuck with it, always letting distractions get in the way and make me lose sight of my role and goal, and that's to please God first, and in doing so, I will automatically please my husband, and God will make him at peace with me. God bless you and keep spreading the gospel to the world.

    1. Thank you so much for your transparency as well as your encouraging words. Our emotions can so easily come in and rule us if we are not careful. It is my prayer that you have been able to stay on track since you left this comment last year. I am so sorry I took sooooo long to respond. My passion for writing has been renewed and I look forward to sharing more on this page.

      Be blessed dear sister!

  3. Hi Everybody!!

    My name is Barbara, and this is really really long! (I’m sorry)
    I realize that your entry here is from last year and I don't see anything current so hopefully you're still here. I really like what you had to say up there. So I’m just gonna put it all out there.

    I came across your blog while doing a search "preparing to be a Godly wife". As I am still single (51 yr. old) and frankly have not been seeking out or thinking about having a husband since I left it at Jesus' feet oh 7 yrs or so ago...haha...has been a long time, but recently I had a day of just listening to God, and it was impressed upon my heart that (exact words...) "You will have a companion". He even showed me of me talking to “him” but from where I was seeing this, all I got was an image of the back of his head. I believe that I only saw him from the back because he, me or both are not fully prepared yet. So I have been reading scripture and doing a lot of checking out the women of the Bible to see how the women were in the Old and New Testaments, and have gotten quite a bit of info. Also, of course the need to work out my "personality glitches" (Colossions 3:8-11… putting off all anger, wrath, malice, etc etc) that need to be left behind and kicked out, not just for him and me, but for God too, because they are a hindrance at times in my walk with God. (and He is very specific about it). I am Replacing it with Colossions 3:12-25)

    I'm old school and love serving, so I don't think I'll have a problem being a submissive wife. In fact when I think about "if I were married" I would get so much joy out of getting up in the morning and making his breakfast, and taking off his shoes at night and putting on the slippers and and all that corny stuff ....not just those physical gestures, but the spiritual and emotional as well. The whole thing. I'm saying all of this to say, that God is working on me, and it hurts a bit because the things that God is removing from that part of my heart, (Col 3:8) which can get ugly at times, He is taking these things out by the root. Which if I could visualize the size of that root it would be the size of a watermelon. There's going to be a few of those same sized roots from other things coming out...Imagine spiritual child birth if you will...I know because it's already begun. I am so willing to change, and actually am looking forward to it. What’s great about this, is that God is leading me. I’m not trying to making anything go faster, or slower, or looking at every guy that goes by and wonders if that’s him. (in fact I have other focuses besides this) Lol There is no obsessing on my part, which is HUGE. God is in control, and is showing me how much stuff is still in me, since none of us are sinless but saved by His grace…with repentance and turning from it often times requires much effort and always from the heart. (Thank God for Jesus who was sinless and saved us from our sins!!)

    Since God gave me those words and the little Technicolor vision of my future "husband's" back of his head I have been working on these things with God like I never have before so it's become a very interesting, a little painful, yet also very refreshing and is making my already greatly blessed walk with God even more blessed.

    Sorry that this is so long, but it’s kind of hard to find people who sorta understand what you’re going through. Hopefully you all understand. If not, at least I got it out there. (chuckling).

    I am waiting on Him, on Father God in the name of Jesus. In the meantime I live as and hopefully shine with Gods Spirit in the best possible way. And I pray God blesses each and every one of your marriages, and whatever joys or possible struggles you may be going through, He is in the midst.

    Many Blessings,


    1. Hi Barbara! Thanks so much for sharing your story. I love to hear how God is working in the lives of other Christians.

      I remember telling God that I didnt know how to be a wife and could He please teach me. He is so faithful to answer when we come to Him for wisdom and knowledge!

      The process of becoming who God wants us to be can be a painful, but somehow as soon as we feel that OUCH His LOVE comes pouring in even the more!

      God will bless your preparation, dear sister! Do not get weary and keep on doing good for you will have a great reward! (Gal 6:9)

      I will say a prayer that your husband be revealed in God's timing and according to His good and perfect will. In the meantime, be ready so that when he is ready you will be found a wife, a good thing! (Prov 18:22)

      Be blessed!