Celebrate Your Mate - Magnify (Part III)

Let’s discuss another way we can celebrate our mate and that is to magnify him or her. Isn’t magnify a big word? Not in the pronunciation sense, but in its meaning. When we magnify something we make it bigger. Let us resolve to make our spouse feel like the BIGGEST part of our life. After God. The formal definition of magnify is to cause to be held in greater esteem or respect and to increase in significance.

Scripture says:
Be devoted to each other like a loving family. Excel in showing respect for each other. (Romans 12:10 God’s Word Translation)
The bible gives us specific instructions on how we should treat our spouse. We can celebrate them by showing them the utmost respect. What does respect look like? Well listen up ladies because us wives are called to respect our husbands in Ephesians 5:33 which says “let the wife see that she respects her husband”.

Here are some examples:
1. Tell him you respect him. Be specific about what you respect. I tell my husband I respect the way he stands by his godly convictions and he doesn’t let anything or anyone sway him from his belief in God.
2. Apologize when you’re wrong.
3. Ask his opinion. Include him in your decisions and thoughts.
4. Be aware of the power of the tongue: ladies, we can be passive aggressive, snippy, sarcastic, and make snide remarks and criticize.
5. Speak kindly and lovingly of your husband in front of family, kids, and friends.
If we do these 5 things consistently, we are well on the way to exceling in respecting our husband.
In Ephesians 5:33 it also says, “each man must love his wife as he loves himself”. So, primarily God requires a husband to love his wife, but he is not off the hook for respecting her as well. A husband can respect his wife by:
1. Don't show her even the mildest forms of contempt. Contempt is poison in a relationship. You don't have to act like you like what she said or did, but do not take on an attitude of superiority, such as momentary smirking, sighs of disgust or eye-rolling. Such gestures, though seemingly insignificant, deeply show a lack of support, respect and trust, especially over a period of time.
2. Treat her as an equal. Even though you as the head of the household make the final decision, be sure to consult your wife and consider her feelings and insight.

The world often says you have to give respect in order to get respect. But in the Kingdom of God we are called to go higher, be better. We give respect, period. I’m not saying it will be easy sometimes, but I am saying it is possible with Jesus Christ.

Looking back at the definition of magnify it said to hold in greater esteem. Esteem means “high regard”. If we want our mate to feel celebrated we need to put him or her before ourselves. Being married successfully requires sacrifice. NEWS FLASH: IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!! Philippians 2:3 says, “Don't be selfish; don't try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.”
What a great verse for marriages. In a God-centered marriage you should feel secure enough to not worry about getting your needs met first. God’s got you! Spend your time meeting your mate’s needs! The return on doing that is huge! Imagine a marriage where the husband or wife is doing their best to meet the needs of their spouse. That’s celebrating your mate!

Let me talk to the wives again and I am going to read Ephesians 5:33 from the Amplified Bible:
“let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]."

Whew! What a high-calling! But again, it’s in the Bible and God didn’t put anything in there that we can’t do with His power living on the inside of us. Don’t hear that scripture with a heavy burden, NO hear it as a way to celebrate the man God gave you!

When we encourage, praise, and admire our husbands, when we value their opinions and trust their leadership, we esteem them.  Because God has created men with a great need to be respected and admired by their women, it is especially important that we as wives esteem our husbands.  If we don't, they will be vulnerable to other women who do show them esteem.

Many times women think, "My husband has such a huge ego now, why should I esteem him and admire him and build him up even more??"  However, the wise woman will realize that the male ego is a fragile thing, and men often act "big" to cover up how small and inadequate they really feel on the inside.  They are torn down every day when they go out into the dog-eat-dog world, and it is our job to build them up each evening when they come home.

When we treat our husbands with respect, letting them know how much we admire them and how we value their leadership and their wisdom, it boosts their confidence and helps them lead more wisely.  It also reassures them of our commitment to letting them be the head of the household.

Increase in significance. That’s the second part to the definition of magnify. When something is important to us it’s significant. So, now we are being asked to INCREASE in significance. Well I believe one way to illustrate this is to continue to show your spouse they are number one in your life. No earthly human being should come before your husband or wife. And yes, that includes your children. God, spouse, children. That is the divine order of the family. Over time and as the trials of life come and go our mate can feel their position in your life is becoming less and less important. But no, live in a way that demonstrates nothing and no one will come before him or her. How you might ask? Using the word no. You can’t work from sun up to sun down 7 days a week, you can’t hang out every weekend with the girls or the fellas. Telling people no and valuing your spouse over friends and family members shows your spouse they come first, celebrates who they are in your life by magnifying their position. God’s Word says it best, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Genesis 2:24.

Well we have come to the end of “Celebrate Your Mate” series and I want to leave you with one final thought. It is a wonderful blessing to be married. It’s not God’s plan for every person. So, if you have been blessed with a mate, take time daily to celebrate them. God loves your husband or wife dearly and has given them to you as a gift. Bless, praise and magnify them in private and in public. This is your partner for your life! Celebrate and let the world see that indeed marriage is something to celebrate beyond the wedding day!

Our First Anniversary

On April 21, 2013 my husband and I celebrated our very first anniversary. It just happens to also be the second anniversary of the day we met. Yep, we married one year to the day of our first date! We were introduced by mutual friends and spoke on the phone for a week before ever seeing one another. When I think back on that time my heart is filled with gratefulness to God for bringing us together.

Anniversaries are special. Whether it's one or fifty-one. Every year you spend with one another should be celebrated. Anniversaries have the power to bring you closer than you were before. Anniversaries can inspire you to recommit to each other and to your vows. It's a great time to reflect on the past year and look forward to the future. And maybe this year hasn't been a very good one. Maybe you're wondering if you can make it through another year or wondering even how you made it this far! If that is your situation don't lose hope for your marriage.

My husband and I took a weekend trip to Canyon Lake, TX and it was absolutely beautiful. The lodge we stayed at was very secluded and only a few other couples were there. There was a deck right outside the room with a porch swing and the view was incredible! I knew we would enjoy it from the moment we pulled up. I also knew God would meet me there for a time of refreshing and renewal as a wife.

While there I was determined to see the sun rise over the lake. I sat my alarm clock for early Sunday morning and went out on the porch swing and watched and listened. I was amazed by God's creation and all the colors in the sky and all the birds with their different chirping sounds. I breathed in God's air and I prayed.

I prayed that God would cover our marriage with love, grace, mercy and forgiveness. I thanked God for all He has done in me, my husband and this marriage. I asked God to continue to work in me His Word and His ways.

You see, I recognize that I cannot be a godly wife without His spirit working in me each and everyday; better yet, each and every minute. These minutes, these days will all add up to another year together as long as God allows. I don't want a year to go by that my husband will not praise me, that my husband will not say he is blessed to have me, or that he will not see the favor of God on his life and thank God for his good thing.

I encourage you to look forward to your anniversary with excitement, anticipation and love. Seek God on what you need to do to please Him first and be assured you will certainly please your husband.

Share with me a special anniversary you and your husband have shared...

Canyon Lake, TX

Accountability - Just Do You!

Accountability. What is that exactly? You may have heard of having accountability partners, being accountable for your actions and someone being held accountable. Well this post is going to focus on being accountable to God and God alone for your behavior as a wife.

Before I ever met my husband, God started instructing me on the role of a wife. You see, He knew I came from a divorced home and had never seen a Godly example of a relationship or a successful marriage. I had expressed my desire to Him to learn His ways, so that I can break the cycle of dysfunctional relationships in my family. The more I started to learn about submission, respect and unconditional love the more I knew I needed the Holy Spirit in order to fulfill my role. Getting married sounded great, but being a wife didn't sound all the great!

Then, I came across Ephesians 5:22, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord". WOW! That scripture jumped out at me and I received the revelation that everything I do for my husband I do it as unto the Lord. So, that means it can't be because he has earned it, it can't be because I feel like it, and it can't be so that I can get something in return. NO. I will submit to my husband because God says so.

My perspective changed that day. I made up my mind that I would be the wife that despite her husband's actions or non-action I would embrace my role and do what pleases God!

We are all not going to be blessed with husbands that are submitted to the Lord and make it easier for us to be respectful, loving and respectful. Some wives have unbelieving husbands or husbands who go to church, but aren't living for the Lord. In these cases it can be tempting to say, "Well, when he starts doing right, I'll start doing right". Sorry dear sister, that is not going to cut it! We are accountable to God for our actions and we can't wait on hubby to get on board.

Ultimately, you have to know that what you are doing as a wife is pleasing to the Lord. No one, not even your husband can come between your relationship with God. Did he stop going to church? Are you going to stay home, too? Is he not providing for the family as he should? Are you going to talk bad about him and disrespect him because of it? The flesh answers both of those questions with a "yes", but the Spirit says "no".

Occasionally, on the Wisdom 4 Wives facebook page, I get comments that go something like this, "Wives sure have a lot to do", "what about the men?" or "when he does ___, I'll do _____." Ladies, this is not the thinking of a mind that is renewed to Christ. Everything that God requires of us is not going to be on our husband's list. Are you going to get stuck on his list or are you going to get busy making sure your list is covered?

Knowing my role and fulfilling it daily is what gives me joy and peace. I can be sure I am not giving the devil a foothold in my marriage if I am doing things God's way. Plus, I am inviting blessing into my marriage and not a curse. When I stand before God He is not going to ask what I did in result of my husband doing what he's supposed to do. I will have to answer for myself. I have the knowledge, so I will be held accountable for it.

When my husband and I were dating we pulled out our bible's and read Ephesians 5:21-33 together and he asked me do I agree with what the Word says and will I do what it says. I said yes. He said yes as well. Praise God that we were in agreement with Him! Now if for some reason he decides to start being selfish and doing his own thing, nowhere in the bible does it say I can too. No, I must continue to submit as unto the Lord. God is my accountability Partner. There is a blessing in obedience! Don't miss out on what God wants to do for you and through you because of feelings or your husband's behavior.

Ephesians 5:23-11 (NLT)

²¹ And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

²² For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. ²³ For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.²⁴ As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

²⁵ For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her ²⁶ to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.^[b] 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. ²⁸ In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. ²⁹ No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. ³⁰ And we are members of his body.

³¹ As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”^[c]32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. ³³ So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

A Proverbs 31 Breakthrough

Today being the 31^st, I listened to Proverbs 31 via the Daily Audio Bible app on my iPhone on my way to work as I do everyday. While listening to the familiar verses of this perfect wife and mother, something strange happened. I stopped focusing on all the things she does that I don’t do or can’t do!

Talk about a breakthrough! Thank You, Jesus!

You see, if you are anything like me you have not found much encouragement in the scriptures defining “A Wife of Noble Character” as titled in the New Living Translation. It has been more like a to-do list and a smack down on my abilities as a wife. A new wife at that, geez!

But not today! Today the Holy Spirit said enough is enough. He gently reminded me that I am a well able and capable wife! So, like God so lovingly reminded me; I want to encourage you to look at Proverbs 31 and see where you ARE succeeding and not where you might be lacking.

Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:11-12

            YES! This is me! My husband has told me many times over how much he trusts me and that I have added to his life since we met.

….she laughs without fear of the future. Proverbs 31:25

            YES! Me, again! My husband loves the calmness I have about life and that I don’t get all riled up over the tests and trials that we face.

So, as to not drag on with how close I am to being a “Wife of Noble Character” I will stop there LOL!! I promise I am kidding J

But really, ladies, look over Proverbs 31 and share with me the verses you see yourself succeeding at and how your husband and/or children have affirmed this.

Be blessed my sisters!

Read Proverbs 31 here. 

Communicating Your Needs to Your Husband

How many of us have had the following thought: "Well he should know ______"?

I believe we all can fill in the blank with something there. Well, the truth is, he doesn't know unless you tell him. Communicating our needs can be very difficult because we are allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. Just the idea of sharing something that we need from our husband can cause some wives to become anxious and nervous, then decide to just keep it to themselves.

The outcome of keeping it inside can cause resentment and anger toward our husband and he won't even know why. That's not fair to him our healthy for the marriage.

Just this past Sunday, I was fuming in the car after church because my husband did not compliment me on my perfume, my dress or how I looked at all. Matter of fact, it had been 3 days since he had given me a compliment and I was silently simmering in the passenger seat! That's right, I am keeping count! You may laugh, but my love language is Words of Affirmation and this is very important to me. In my head I was thinking of all the ways I could tell him how he did not compliment me and when he was talking to me I was not responding to him in a respectful way. I'm sure he was thinking what is wrong with her??

Right then I begin to pray: Lord, please talk to this man about how he needs to compliment me. I do not want to be mad at him over this. Thank you, Lord. Amen. Well, while we were still riding in the car he tells me I look good in my dress and he likes my shoes and calls me a FOX! LOL I was on cloud 9. (Thank You, God!) Then yesterday, he sends me a text and calls me "Good Lookin"....God is sooo good! Exceedingly, abundantly ABOVE ALL we can ASK or THINK! Do you all know that scripture? It's Ephesians 3:20-21.

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

So here are some ways to communicate those needs:

•    Praise. When he does that thing that you love so much; praise him for it. "Honey, I love it when you do that" will go a long way! He wants to please you and wants to know how.
• Text/Write/Email. Sometimes it can be much easier to write down something we need to say. Just make sure you pay attention to the tone of your words. We don't want to come across negatively. I am a firm believer that using a term of endearment such as Baby, Honey, Sweetie Pie...makes everything after sound much better!
• Pray. No one can reach your husband like God can. Go to your Father in Heaven and ask Him to speak to your husband about what you need from him. God is so faithful to these types of prayers. He answers them speedily! I can testify to it in my marriage.

So, ladies please comment with a need you have and how you will communicate that need to your husband. I would love to hear your praise report!