Celebrate Your Mate! (Part I)

The word celebrate brings about feelings of excitement and anticipation. The definition of celebrate according to Webster's dictionary is:

1. to honor (as a holiday) especially by solemn ceremonies or by refraining from ordinary business
2. to mark (as an anniversary) by festivities or other deviation from routine
3. to hold up or play up for public notice

Now many of us when we think of celebrating we think of birthdays, anniversaries, or weddings. But, we are going to focus on celebrating a person, the person you have vowed before God and people to love until you leave this Earth.

That IS something to celebrate!

Since we have already defined the word celebrate let us look at a few words that are closely related, synonyms, to celebrate:

Bless, praise and magnify. These are words we are familiar with, especially as Christians. We know what it is to bless the Lord, praise His holy name and to "magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together" (Psalm 34:3).

God has designed it that we put Him first and so by no means should we celebrate our mate over God, but I am saying that celebrating your mate is important to your marriage.

BLESS

So, let's look at how we can bless our spouse, meaning how we can contribute to their happiness. How we can put a smile on their face and in their heart.

• With your words. Words are incredibly powerful. The bible says, "death and life are in the power of the tongue" (Prov. 18:21). Use your words to bless your mate and bring life to your relationship. 

Remember to speak lovingly to one another and use manners. I know this sounds simple, but "please" and "thank you" goes such a long way. We speak so nicely to those we work with, waiters and strangers we come in contact with and our mates deserve the same if not better treatment. Add some sweetness to the way you talk to your spouse. This is a way to bless your spouse daily.

When my husband and I were dating we were out having dinner and he said "pass the me the salt". I passed the salt, but inside I was fuming. Where was the "could you please"? You see for me I liked to be asked to do things, not told. Of course my husband did not see it that way and was not trying to be rude, but that’s how I received it. Once I lovingly told him how I needed him to speak to me he worked very hard to remember to ask me rather than tell me. He even adds a Babe or Honey in there to make it even sweeter.

• With your actions. Love is an action word. When you love someone you “DO” some things. The bible says, “Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.” (1 John 3:18 NLT). This is where knowing your mate’s love language is so very helpful. The 5 Love Languages is a must have resource for every married or engaged couple written by Dr. Gary Chapman. By learning your mate’s love language and speaking it regularly you can be assured you are blessing them by loving them the way they need to be loved.

Rick Warren, the author of a Purpose Driven Life, says it like this, “If love were just an emotion, then God couldn’t command it. But love is something you do. It can produce emotion, but love is an action. We can talk a good act: “I love people.” But do we really love them? Our love is revealed in how we act toward them. 

Very wise words from this dynamic pastor…

If your spouse has expressed to you something you do makes them feel loved. KEEP DOING IT. On the other hand if something you are doing is driving them insane and he or she has asked you to stop. STOP DOING IT. So easy, right? But yet you have many couples who won’t follow these simple instructions.

Being newlyweds my husband and I went through the adjustments that occur when you move in together. There have been several things he has asked me to do or not do. Some are minor some are major, but they all involve making his home, his castle and every one of his requests I have complied with. I’m blessing him with my actions and celebrating him as an individual who has his own way of doing things. He has done the same for me.

• With your spirit. My spirit you may be asking yourself? Yes, your spirit that is connected to God. Your spirit in which the Holy Spirit speaks to you. Even before we can bless our spouse with words or actions we must bless them with our personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It is through Jesus Christ that we can offer blessings and not cursings, to be angry and not sin, and to forgive when we want revenge. Stay connected with prayer, bible study and attending church on a regular basis.

I asked my husband what makes him feel blessed as a husband. His answer was having a God-fearing wife. He knows I will honor my vows because I honor God first. He can trust me because of my relationship with Jesus. He knows God will get me! 

Also, when you allow the Holy Spirit to work in you it shows. “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23). If we are going to celebrate our mate we are going to have to walk in the Spirit.

It is my sincere prayer that you will take something from this blog post and celebrate your mate by blessing them in some way every day!

Please feel free to comment on how you are currently blessing your spouse or how you plan to.

Stayed tuned for Part II coming next week! Thanks!

He's "Supposed" to Do That

So what are the chores, responsibilities and duties that your husband is “supposed” to be doing? Taking out the trash, opening doors, providing for the family? Your list may include these and some more.

Over the weekend, my husband worked Saturday and Sunday after he had already worked Monday thru Friday. He has his own business, which often calls for him to work on weekends and also has a full-time job during the week. Whew! I am already tired just typing that! Well, when he told me he would be working both days I was a little sad because neither of our sons would be over and I was looking forward to time alone with him. But then, I was gently reminded by the Holy Spirit that we have been praying for God to increase his business, so CHEER UP!

While at home relaxing, running errands, attending church and getting plenty of rest I thought of my husband out in the Texas heat working hard to provide for his family and sacrificing his time and rest. This made my heart smile! You see, before meeting my husband I dated men who could not keep a steady job. I was often left picking up tabs, helping THEM pay THEIR bills and coming to THEIR rescue when in financial trouble. Therefore, my husband’s work ethic is something I greatly appreciate. God had so much better for His daughter!

My husband works very hard and he never complains about it. His mother instilled the importance of working at a very young age and it has stuck with him. Thank You, Jesus! There are some wives who take what their husbands do for granted. They may believe no “thank you” is due for something he is “supposed” to do anyway. Not true, ladies! Yes, I know the scripture that says, “If you don’t work, you don’t eat” (2 Thessalonians 3:10). But PLEASE, don’t use that against your husband. That’s not how God intended that scripture to be used.

Be grateful for everything your husband does. There is nothing too small to say “thank you” for. He may tell you that you don’t have to thank him, but do it anyway! I promise you it makes a difference to him. So many wives are suffering with having to provide for their families because the husband is unwilling to work or maybe can’t find a job in this economy. Thank our Heavenly Father for your husband who knows his role as provider and gets enjoyment out of doing it!

There are many ways we can show our appreciation. Learn your husband’s love language and express your love and appreciation accordingly. For a bonus, don’t stop at one language; pick two or three!

For example, my husband’s primary love language is Quality Time, so I:

Quality Time – I watched the Olympics with him and went to bed when he went to bed instead of staying up and watching TV in the living room.

Acts of Service – I cooked a great meal! Yes, I cooked on a Saturday! LOL

Words of Affirmation – I sent him a text thanking him for his sacrifice and letting him know what a blessed wife I was.

So, now it’s your turn! What “supposed” to do thing will you thank your husband for and how?

Communicating Your Needs to Your Husband

How many of us have had the following thought: "Well he should know ______"?

I believe we all can fill in the blank with something there. Well, the truth is, he doesn't know unless you tell him. Communicating our needs can be very difficult because we are allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. Just the idea of sharing something that we need from our husband can cause some wives to become anxious and nervous, then decide to just keep it to themselves.

The outcome of keeping it inside can cause resentment and anger toward our husband and he won't even know why. That's not fair to him our healthy for the marriage.

Just this past Sunday, I was fuming in the car after church because my husband did not compliment me on my perfume, my dress or how I looked at all. Matter of fact, it had been 3 days since he had given me a compliment and I was silently simmering in the passenger seat! That's right, I am keeping count! You may laugh, but my love language is Words of Affirmation and this is very important to me. In my head I was thinking of all the ways I could tell him how he did not compliment me and when he was talking to me I was not responding to him in a respectful way. I'm sure he was thinking what is wrong with her??

Right then I begin to pray: Lord, please talk to this man about how he needs to compliment me. I do not want to be mad at him over this. Thank you, Lord. Amen. Well, while we were still riding in the car he tells me I look good in my dress and he likes my shoes and calls me a FOX! LOL I was on cloud 9. (Thank You, God!) Then yesterday, he sends me a text and calls me "Good Lookin"....God is sooo good! Exceedingly, abundantly ABOVE ALL we can ASK or THINK! Do you all know that scripture? It's Ephesians 3:20-21.

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

So here are some ways to communicate those needs:

•    Praise. When he does that thing that you love so much; praise him for it. "Honey, I love it when you do that" will go a long way! He wants to please you and wants to know how.
• Text/Write/Email. Sometimes it can be much easier to write down something we need to say. Just make sure you pay attention to the tone of your words. We don't want to come across negatively. I am a firm believer that using a term of endearment such as Baby, Honey, Sweetie Pie...makes everything after sound much better!
• Pray. No one can reach your husband like God can. Go to your Father in Heaven and ask Him to speak to your husband about what you need from him. God is so faithful to these types of prayers. He answers them speedily! I can testify to it in my marriage.

So, ladies please comment with a need you have and how you will communicate that need to your husband. I would love to hear your praise report!