Accountability - Just Do You!

Accountability. What is that exactly? You may have heard of having accountability partners, being accountable for your actions and someone being held accountable. Well this post is going to focus on being accountable to God and God alone for your behavior as a wife.

Before I ever met my husband, God started instructing me on the role of a wife. You see, He knew I came from a divorced home and had never seen a Godly example of a relationship or a successful marriage. I had expressed my desire to Him to learn His ways, so that I can break the cycle of dysfunctional relationships in my family. The more I started to learn about submission, respect and unconditional love the more I knew I needed the Holy Spirit in order to fulfill my role. Getting married sounded great, but being a wife didn't sound all the great!

Then, I came across Ephesians 5:22, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord". WOW! That scripture jumped out at me and I received the revelation that everything I do for my husband I do it as unto the Lord. So, that means it can't be because he has earned it, it can't be because I feel like it, and it can't be so that I can get something in return. NO. I will submit to my husband because God says so.

My perspective changed that day. I made up my mind that I would be the wife that despite her husband's actions or non-action I would embrace my role and do what pleases God!

We are all not going to be blessed with husbands that are submitted to the Lord and make it easier for us to be respectful, loving and respectful. Some wives have unbelieving husbands or husbands who go to church, but aren't living for the Lord. In these cases it can be tempting to say, "Well, when he starts doing right, I'll start doing right". Sorry dear sister, that is not going to cut it! We are accountable to God for our actions and we can't wait on hubby to get on board.

Ultimately, you have to know that what you are doing as a wife is pleasing to the Lord. No one, not even your husband can come between your relationship with God. Did he stop going to church? Are you going to stay home, too? Is he not providing for the family as he should? Are you going to talk bad about him and disrespect him because of it? The flesh answers both of those questions with a "yes", but the Spirit says "no".

Occasionally, on the Wisdom 4 Wives facebook page, I get comments that go something like this, "Wives sure have a lot to do", "what about the men?" or "when he does ___, I'll do _____." Ladies, this is not the thinking of a mind that is renewed to Christ. Everything that God requires of us is not going to be on our husband's list. Are you going to get stuck on his list or are you going to get busy making sure your list is covered?

Knowing my role and fulfilling it daily is what gives me joy and peace. I can be sure I am not giving the devil a foothold in my marriage if I am doing things God's way. Plus, I am inviting blessing into my marriage and not a curse. When I stand before God He is not going to ask what I did in result of my husband doing what he's supposed to do. I will have to answer for myself. I have the knowledge, so I will be held accountable for it.

When my husband and I were dating we pulled out our bible's and read Ephesians 5:21-33 together and he asked me do I agree with what the Word says and will I do what it says. I said yes. He said yes as well. Praise God that we were in agreement with Him! Now if for some reason he decides to start being selfish and doing his own thing, nowhere in the bible does it say I can too. No, I must continue to submit as unto the Lord. God is my accountability Partner. There is a blessing in obedience! Don't miss out on what God wants to do for you and through you because of feelings or your husband's behavior.

Ephesians 5:23-11 (NLT)

²¹ And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

²² For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. ²³ For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.²⁴ As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

²⁵ For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her ²⁶ to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.^[b] 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. ²⁸ In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. ²⁹ No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. ³⁰ And we are members of his body.

³¹ As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”^[c]32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. ³³ So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Dare To Be Different

This morning while listening to the Anointed Wives Ministry (AWM) prayer call I was reminded how I don't have many friends who have made up in their mind & heart to be a Godly wife. This prayer call is a lifeline to women around the country dedicated to being a Godly wife. At times, I long for a female friend my age willing to walk with God in her marriage.

The types of conversations I normally hear regarding marriage are not positive ones. Complaints about not helping around the house, not helping with the kids, not being loving, not listening etc., etc. are common. Very rarely do I get to partake in conversations about what a blessing having a husband is, how great it is to have a lifelong companion and so on.

In contrast, the two times I have listened to the AWM prayer call I have been amazed at what I heard. One woman said "Lord, help me to be an obedient wife" and she even asked her husband if he thought she was obedient and in what area could she improve. WHAT?! I was shocked! Just this morning, wife after wife shared their husband's strengths, while asking for prayer regarding their own weaknesses. This truly blessed me and let me know I am not alone in my quest to be the wife God has called me to be. Not the one I FEEL like being at the moment.

Many wives have decided to do marriage their own way or really not do anything with it at all. This saddens me because I know by not choosing God's way they are setting themselves up to fail. It is a hard truth, but it is true. This goes back to my testimony of how God prepared me to be a wife even before I met my husband. All I had to do was ask Him with a sincere heart and He answered swiftly. God has given me the information and I am determined to use it. The bible says:

But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. James 1:22 NLT

Wives, I want to encourage you to dare to be different. Dare to be the wife who happily submits to her husband, who takes pride in her gentle & quiet spirit and looks to Proverbs 31 as her guide.

If a "friend" laughs at you because you say, "I have to check with my husband and get back to you"...SO WHAT.

If a "friend" rolls her eyes because you say, "I don't mind picking up after my husband because he works so hard for the family"...SO WHAT.

If a "friend" pressures you to stay out late and hang with the girls and calls you whooped and you say, "I'm leaving. My husband is waiting on me to get home"....SO WHAT.

Have you ever felt alone in your walk as a wife? Please know that you are not. Whether you have to get on facebook, twitter, this blog or the AWM prayer line to fellowship with likeminded women; know that we are out there and we love and support you.

Lastly, please comment and share your experience of striving to be a Godly wife and if you have found that less and less women are walking the same path. What pushes you to keep going and to get better?

Be blessed!

A Proverbs 31 Breakthrough

Today being the 31^st, I listened to Proverbs 31 via the Daily Audio Bible app on my iPhone on my way to work as I do everyday. While listening to the familiar verses of this perfect wife and mother, something strange happened. I stopped focusing on all the things she does that I don’t do or can’t do!

Talk about a breakthrough! Thank You, Jesus!

You see, if you are anything like me you have not found much encouragement in the scriptures defining “A Wife of Noble Character” as titled in the New Living Translation. It has been more like a to-do list and a smack down on my abilities as a wife. A new wife at that, geez!

But not today! Today the Holy Spirit said enough is enough. He gently reminded me that I am a well able and capable wife! So, like God so lovingly reminded me; I want to encourage you to look at Proverbs 31 and see where you ARE succeeding and not where you might be lacking.

Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:11-12

            YES! This is me! My husband has told me many times over how much he trusts me and that I have added to his life since we met.

….she laughs without fear of the future. Proverbs 31:25

            YES! Me, again! My husband loves the calmness I have about life and that I don’t get all riled up over the tests and trials that we face.

So, as to not drag on with how close I am to being a “Wife of Noble Character” I will stop there LOL!! I promise I am kidding J

But really, ladies, look over Proverbs 31 and share with me the verses you see yourself succeeding at and how your husband and/or children have affirmed this.

Be blessed my sisters!

Read Proverbs 31 here. 

He's "Supposed" to Do That

So what are the chores, responsibilities and duties that your husband is “supposed” to be doing? Taking out the trash, opening doors, providing for the family? Your list may include these and some more.

Over the weekend, my husband worked Saturday and Sunday after he had already worked Monday thru Friday. He has his own business, which often calls for him to work on weekends and also has a full-time job during the week. Whew! I am already tired just typing that! Well, when he told me he would be working both days I was a little sad because neither of our sons would be over and I was looking forward to time alone with him. But then, I was gently reminded by the Holy Spirit that we have been praying for God to increase his business, so CHEER UP!

While at home relaxing, running errands, attending church and getting plenty of rest I thought of my husband out in the Texas heat working hard to provide for his family and sacrificing his time and rest. This made my heart smile! You see, before meeting my husband I dated men who could not keep a steady job. I was often left picking up tabs, helping THEM pay THEIR bills and coming to THEIR rescue when in financial trouble. Therefore, my husband’s work ethic is something I greatly appreciate. God had so much better for His daughter!

My husband works very hard and he never complains about it. His mother instilled the importance of working at a very young age and it has stuck with him. Thank You, Jesus! There are some wives who take what their husbands do for granted. They may believe no “thank you” is due for something he is “supposed” to do anyway. Not true, ladies! Yes, I know the scripture that says, “If you don’t work, you don’t eat” (2 Thessalonians 3:10). But PLEASE, don’t use that against your husband. That’s not how God intended that scripture to be used.

Be grateful for everything your husband does. There is nothing too small to say “thank you” for. He may tell you that you don’t have to thank him, but do it anyway! I promise you it makes a difference to him. So many wives are suffering with having to provide for their families because the husband is unwilling to work or maybe can’t find a job in this economy. Thank our Heavenly Father for your husband who knows his role as provider and gets enjoyment out of doing it!

There are many ways we can show our appreciation. Learn your husband’s love language and express your love and appreciation accordingly. For a bonus, don’t stop at one language; pick two or three!

For example, my husband’s primary love language is Quality Time, so I:

Quality Time – I watched the Olympics with him and went to bed when he went to bed instead of staying up and watching TV in the living room.

Acts of Service – I cooked a great meal! Yes, I cooked on a Saturday! LOL

Words of Affirmation – I sent him a text thanking him for his sacrifice and letting him know what a blessed wife I was.

So, now it’s your turn! What “supposed” to do thing will you thank your husband for and how?

Communicating Your Needs to Your Husband

How many of us have had the following thought: "Well he should know ______"?

I believe we all can fill in the blank with something there. Well, the truth is, he doesn't know unless you tell him. Communicating our needs can be very difficult because we are allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. Just the idea of sharing something that we need from our husband can cause some wives to become anxious and nervous, then decide to just keep it to themselves.

The outcome of keeping it inside can cause resentment and anger toward our husband and he won't even know why. That's not fair to him our healthy for the marriage.

Just this past Sunday, I was fuming in the car after church because my husband did not compliment me on my perfume, my dress or how I looked at all. Matter of fact, it had been 3 days since he had given me a compliment and I was silently simmering in the passenger seat! That's right, I am keeping count! You may laugh, but my love language is Words of Affirmation and this is very important to me. In my head I was thinking of all the ways I could tell him how he did not compliment me and when he was talking to me I was not responding to him in a respectful way. I'm sure he was thinking what is wrong with her??

Right then I begin to pray: Lord, please talk to this man about how he needs to compliment me. I do not want to be mad at him over this. Thank you, Lord. Amen. Well, while we were still riding in the car he tells me I look good in my dress and he likes my shoes and calls me a FOX! LOL I was on cloud 9. (Thank You, God!) Then yesterday, he sends me a text and calls me "Good Lookin"....God is sooo good! Exceedingly, abundantly ABOVE ALL we can ASK or THINK! Do you all know that scripture? It's Ephesians 3:20-21.

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

So here are some ways to communicate those needs:

•    Praise. When he does that thing that you love so much; praise him for it. "Honey, I love it when you do that" will go a long way! He wants to please you and wants to know how.
• Text/Write/Email. Sometimes it can be much easier to write down something we need to say. Just make sure you pay attention to the tone of your words. We don't want to come across negatively. I am a firm believer that using a term of endearment such as Baby, Honey, Sweetie Pie...makes everything after sound much better!
• Pray. No one can reach your husband like God can. Go to your Father in Heaven and ask Him to speak to your husband about what you need from him. God is so faithful to these types of prayers. He answers them speedily! I can testify to it in my marriage.

So, ladies please comment with a need you have and how you will communicate that need to your husband. I would love to hear your praise report!